I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
