I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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