After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
