Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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