For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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