Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
