i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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