every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So squirting runs in the family.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
