Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
