I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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