Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
