I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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