I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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