He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
