I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
