I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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