i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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