We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
