He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
