I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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