I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
