He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
