May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
