Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
