Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
