I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
