i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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