no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
