we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
