So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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