i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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