He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
