Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
