im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
