I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
