He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I need to align my fucking chakras
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
