What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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