There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
