would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
