thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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