i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
