This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
