So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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