I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He passed out mid-signature
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
