Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
