I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Panties = found
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