i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
