so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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