you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
