I'm so fucking centered right now
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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