I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
