I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
