The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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