Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
COCAINE IS GR8
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
