I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Oh god it's open bar.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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